[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
My Ngala • View topic - Only settles for Mum & new baby on way

Only settles for Mum & new baby on way

Moderator: NgalaOnline

Forum rules
These forums are being moderated by Ngala Online. Questions posted will be answered by a Ngala parenting professional. They are open for use to all residents of Australia.

Only settles for Mum & new baby on way

Postby bec1977 » Tue 30 Apr, 2013 9:35 pm

Hi,
I'm hoping that you might be able to offer some advice... My son is 18 months old and has just started becoming hysterical if my husband tries to put him to sleep (despite this being our typically successful night-time routine for a long time). I've just read a couple of other posts and I'm now thinking that this may likely due to his age being a common time for separation anxiety??? He certainly has been quite clingy recently, even in the day times - wanting to be held and cuddled by me frequently. How long would this separation anxiety typically last? My main concern at this time is that I am due to have another baby in 2 weeks and will be in hospital for a week. Our plan is for my son to be with my husband as much as possible throughout that time and for him to try to keep his routine as normal as can be (as well as coming to visit at least once a day). I am quite worried, given how upset and virtually inconsolable he's becoming, how to best handle the next couple of weeks in preparation as well as some tips to provide my husband for the time when I won't be home. At the moment it seems that he only calms down if I put him to bed instead/take over once he's clearly not going to calm down for hubby.
Any advice would be much appreciated on this sleep/separation issue and general tips for helping my toddler make this transition as we welcome a new baby. Thanks so much!!
bec1977
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat 18 Feb, 2012 8:00 am

Re: Only settles for Mum & new baby on way

Postby NgalaOnline » Thu 02 May, 2013 9:25 am

Hi Bec1977

Thank you for your post and congratulations on the upcoming birth of your new baby. As you have mentioned, around 18 months of age it is common for toddlers to experience a burst of separation anxiety. It is also very common, however, for parents to report unsettledness in their toddler shortly before the birth of a new baby, as though the toddler is sensing impending change and is seeking extra security. Toddlers typically understand more than they can verbalise, so it is possible that your toddler is understanding discussion about you going away to hospital soon, and is also noticing changes in the household such as new (baby) items appearing in the house, mum being more tired than usual etc as well as your growing bump. It is also very common for mothers to feel very anxious about the impending separation between themselves and their toddler, as well as the new "role" the toddler is about to play as big brother / sister. It is possible that, if you are feeling anxious or upset when your toddler refuses to settle for his dad in the evening, your toddler is also picking up on and reflecting this anxiety.

The best way to approach this issue is to try to remain very matter-of-fact and calm with the toddler, so that he does not sense this issue is causing anxiety to either of you as parents. Trying to have some quiet cuddle time or maybe a story with your son in the evening before bed may help if he is currently wanting extra time and attention from you. If he is rejecting his father putting him to bed at the moment you might like to spend the next week with both of you in the room together putting him to bed. Initially you can be the one to place him into his cot etc, but over the next week you can subtly get his father to take over more and more of the role with you still in the room providing extra security for your boy. Once you have spent a few days with dad putting him into his cot you can then phase yourself back out of the room, even beginning with standing in the doorway if that helps. It is very common for parents to be very worried about how a toddler may adapt to their mother being absent from the house at the birth of a baby, but in the end for the process to go much smoother than anticipated. It does seem that often the toddler does understand that mum is not in the house and therefore will not protest for her presence even if he is used to mum usually being there.

In terms of other ways of helping your toddler to adjust to your absence and also the new baby coming to the family, it does sound like you are making some great plans that will help your toddler to adjust. Having dad be with your toddler and maintaining his routine as much as possible is certainly very helpful, as is having your toddler come to the hospital to see mum during the day. Many parents like to do an evening goodnight phone call to their child but where possible it is best to separate this from bedtime a little bit, incase it does unsettle the child at all. Aiming to not be holding or feeding the baby when your toddler initially arrives at your room to see you can be helpful, so your lap is available for your toddler to have cuddles. Many toddlers respond well to the baby having a gift for them, and the toddler having something to give to the baby. Looking at books about new babies and driving past the hospital and explaining that that is where mummy will go for a few days but that she will come back soon can be helpful. Bringing baby items such as bouncers, swings or playgyms out into the family areas of the house now and letting the toddler explore them can be helpful for reducing the novelty factor of these items. This is likely to mean that your toddler is less interested in being in / on these baby items when you are wanting to use them for the baby. Looking through your toddler's baby photos and talking about how he was a baby once and needed feeding / holding etc just like the new baby can help a toddler understand that he has been nurtured in the same way as a new baby. Referring to the baby as your toddler's baby can give some sense of ownership to the toddler, and a sense of pride when the baby is introduced to other family members etc. It can also be helpful to ask that visitors who are special to the toddler (grandparents etc) greet and make a fuss of the toddler before getting the toddler to introduce the new baby to them. It can be helpful to point out when the baby is looking at his big brother etc to help the toddler develop a sense that the baby loves and admires him, to help with their bonding process.

I hope that these suggestions are helpful. You may like to consider attending the "Managing a toddler and a baby" parent education workshop at Ngala to assist with this adjustment. http://www.ngala.com.au/course/Parentin ... -a-Toddler Best wishes for the upcoming birth and please contact Ngala if you would like further help or support.
This information is general in nature and should not be used as a substitute for the personalized assistance that can be received from the Ngala Helpline by telephone.

For families residing in Western Australia you can also contact the
Ngala Helpline
Telephone 9368 9368 or 1800 111 546 for country access
Available 7 days a week, 8am to 8pm
or request a callback online

For helplines in other Australian states please follow this link
User avatar
NgalaOnline
 
Posts: 530
Joined: Tue 07 Dec, 2010 8:42 am

Re: Only settles for Mum & new baby on way

Postby bec1977 » Thu 02 May, 2013 10:47 am

Thanks so much for all this great advice and kind wishes. It's much appreciated!
bec1977
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat 18 Feb, 2012 8:00 am

Re: Only settles for Mum & new baby on way

Postby NgalaOnline » Fri 03 May, 2013 10:11 am

You are very welcome Bec, I am glad that the information is helpful.
This information is general in nature and should not be used as a substitute for the personalized assistance that can be received from the Ngala Helpline by telephone.

For families residing in Western Australia you can also contact the
Ngala Helpline
Telephone 9368 9368 or 1800 111 546 for country access
Available 7 days a week, 8am to 8pm
or request a callback online

For helplines in other Australian states please follow this link
User avatar
NgalaOnline
 
Posts: 530
Joined: Tue 07 Dec, 2010 8:42 am


Return to Toddlers

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests

cron