Resilence for 3 year old

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Resilence for 3 year old

Postby Rosiemac » Tue 02 Apr, 2013 1:51 pm

I am wanting to begin building resilence in my 3 year old boy. He has always been quite clingy with me but at the same time has enjoyed spending time away with his grandparents and aunts. He is due to start prekindy( never been to day care) in a few months and we are looking for suggestions to help with the transition. Look forward to hearing your response.
Rosiemac
 
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Re: Resilence for 3 year old

Postby NgalaOnline » Wed 03 Apr, 2013 2:37 pm

Hi RosieMac

Thank you for your post. Clingy behaviour and separation anxiety are normal parts of development for many children, and usually are not a sign that the child is lacking in resilience. It does sound as though you are doing many things that will help your child to gently adapt to spending time apart from you - such as letting your child enjoy periods of time with caring relatives, and enrolling him in short sessions of prekindy beginning soon. These types of experiences are good ways of your child getting used to spending time away from you. Being with relatives who care for and love him is reassuring for your child. You may like to consider having some more occasions of your son going to spend periods of time with these relatives in the leadup to pre-kindy beginning if you feel that he responds well to these periods of being away from you. Pre-kindy is a good environment for him to have some exposure to being apart from you, as the environment is usually set up with interesting things to do, and the sessions are usually short which makes the separation more tolerable for children.

In preparation for your child starting school, it may be a good idea to be in contact with the pre-kindy and discuss your concerns about your child's fear of separation. It may be that they are able to provide you with some advice regarding strategies to settle him in, or they may even be able to provide extra support on his first days at kindy such as having an extra parent volunteer or staff member present to aide his transition. If it is possible, it would be very helpful to go for several visits to the prekindy before he begins. If you are able to be with him during these visits and show him that you are confident and relaxed in the environment, and also support him whilst he explores the environment, this will assist him with becoming confident with the environment. Talking about what kindy will be like and what he might do there, driving past and looking at the kindy regularly, and reading books from the library about going to kindy can also be helpful. Some children are comforted by taking a special toy or a photo of their family with them on the first day of kindy. It is helpful to keep discussing how mummy will go away for a little while (and it can be helpful to let him know what you will be doing during this time, such as mummy will go and buy our food, or mummy will go home and tidy the house etc) but that mummy will come back to get him after a little while. Teaching him to do basic self care tasks for himself such as opening his lunch box, adjusting his clothes for toileting, washing his hands and getting a drink can also help to reduce any stresses he may experience at daycare. On the first morning of kindy it can help if you prepare early in the morning so that you are not rushed or stressed, and can be relaxed whilst preparing him. Arriving early enough to spend some time playing with him in the kindy can help, then giving him a confident and calm goodbye and a reassurance that you will be back soon, then leaving can help. It is best not to sneak out when he doesn’t notice, as this can make him more fearful and less trusting next time. It is best to avoid letting him see your anxieties or any negative emotions about leaving him. If you can find out about the kindy routine and give a few milestones to break the morning into, this can help him anticipate your return (such as "you are going to play inside with all these cars and blocks, then you will have a play outside later, and mummy will come back to get you after you have had a story on the matt".)

In the meantime, whilst awaiting for kindy to begin it is best to remain responsive to his needs for affection and closeness as this can help to build security. The staff at kindy will be used to dealing with children who are not used to being separated from their caregivers, as it is a new and daunting experience for many toddlers. It is normal for children to cry when their parent first leave, but to settle after a while and to become more settled with passing weeks. Most kindy caregivers will be very willing to give the child the attention and calming he needs to help him settle in. The fact that your child has been able to adapt well to spending time with relatives suggests that he will quite likely adjust well to kindy after the initial transition weeks.

I hope this information has been helpful.
This information is general in nature and should not be used as a substitute for the personalized assistance that can be received from the Ngala Helpline by telephone.

For families residing in Western Australia you can also contact the
Ngala Helpline
Telephone 9368 9368 or 1800 111 546 for country access
Available 7 days a week, 8am to 8pm
or request a callback online http://www.ngala.com.au/Ngala-and-You/Ngala-Helpline/Contact-Ngala-Helpline-Online

For helplines in other Australian states please follow this link
http://www.ngala.com.au/You-and-Your-Family/Web-Based-Resources
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Re: Resilence for 3 year old

Postby Rosiemac » Wed 03 Apr, 2013 10:02 pm

In addition to the helpful suggestions you have made, I was thinking of taking him on a casual basis to a daycare centre. I would stay with him for a short session and then leave him for an hour or two. This would occur weekly. Is this overkill?
Rosiemac
 
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Re: Resilence for 3 year old

Postby NgalaOnline » Wed 03 Apr, 2013 10:20 pm

Hi RosieMac

If you need to use casual daycare for work or for other purposes, then the way you would introduce him to this setting sounds like a good one. If, however, your main reason would be to get him used to being away from you then I do not think using daycare is an essential thing for you to do, and attending a variety of new settings (daycare and prekindy) may be overwhelming or frightening for your son, making it more difficult for him to settle and become comfortable at pre-kindy. Occasional care centres usually have a fast turnover of children meaning that the same children may not be there each time your son attends, which can make it difficult for him to find consistent friends. Occasional care centres can also be quite busy with lots of parents coming and going. The staff are likely to see many children over the course of a week making it more difficult for them to remember your son, remember his particular needs and ways of settling him, and the busy nature of these centres may make it more difficult for them to be able to provide him with all the reassurance he needs if he is distressed. At the prekindy centre he is likely to have consistent staff, a consistent routine and also consistent friends to play with. He is also not likely to see other parents returning to collect their children before you return. All of these things make the prekindy environment more likely to be a successful environment for him to settle into comfortably with and become familiar with. Staff within the child care setting often recommend that children attend for more than once a week whilst they are settling in, as they report often finding that attendance of only once a week means that there is a long gap between attendances and it is difficult for the child to remember the setting from week to week and feel comfortable each time. Separation anxiety and clingy behaviour is very normal for children this age, and a gradual, gentle approach to separation from parents such as what you are planning with introducing him to some sessions at prekindy, are often all that is required to help children move through this normal developmental phase. I hope this information is helpful.
This information is general in nature and should not be used as a substitute for the personalized assistance that can be received from the Ngala Helpline by telephone.

For families residing in Western Australia you can also contact the
Ngala Helpline
Telephone 9368 9368 or 1800 111 546 for country access
Available 7 days a week, 8am to 8pm
or request a callback online http://www.ngala.com.au/Ngala-and-You/Ngala-Helpline/Contact-Ngala-Helpline-Online

For helplines in other Australian states please follow this link
http://www.ngala.com.au/You-and-Your-Family/Web-Based-Resources
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Re: Resilence for 3 year old

Postby Rosiemac » Thu 04 Apr, 2013 8:20 pm

Thank you once again for the helpful suggestions. You have put my mind at ease!
Rosiemac
 
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Joined: Tue 02 Apr, 2013 1:41 pm

Re: Resilence for 3 year old

Postby NgalaOnline » Thu 04 Apr, 2013 8:45 pm

You are very welcome RosieMac. I am glad that the suggestions were helpful, and best wishes.
This information is general in nature and should not be used as a substitute for the personalized assistance that can be received from the Ngala Helpline by telephone.

For families residing in Western Australia you can also contact the
Ngala Helpline
Telephone 9368 9368 or 1800 111 546 for country access
Available 7 days a week, 8am to 8pm
or request a callback online http://www.ngala.com.au/Ngala-and-You/Ngala-Helpline/Contact-Ngala-Helpline-Online

For helplines in other Australian states please follow this link
http://www.ngala.com.au/You-and-Your-Family/Web-Based-Resources
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NgalaOnline
 
Posts: 530
Joined: Tue 07 Dec, 2010 8:42 am


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